A Submissive Wife's Journey

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

In Agreement — September 23, 2018

In Agreement

I’m not in a place (mentally) to write a full post, so I’m just going to leave this right here: https://christiandomesticdisciplinelife.wordpress.com/2018/09/04/guest-comment-why-i-want-domestic-discipline-as-a-woman/

Amen, sister.

Advertisements
A Spanked Wife Is a Godly Wife — August 17, 2018

A Spanked Wife Is a Godly Wife

Is it true that spanking brings a wife closer to God?

In a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship, that’s what we believe. It doesn’t always work. If my husband spanked me every time I was disrespectful or didn’t submit, then I’d never sit down.

But, A spanking does help me in many ways. I feel the physical pain of what I’ve done. I feel ashamed, and I repent. As he’s striking my bare bottom with a leather crop, I struggle to remain still and silent, but inevitably I end up crying out to apologize. But then, the calm sets in. Once the spanking is done, I feel vulnerable yet quiet. He comforts me, and we pray. It’s not always easy to focus when my bottom burns like fire, but I try. When we’re next to each other, when he’s holding me and saying a prayer for us, I love those moments.

CDD isn’t for everyone. I would venture to say that the majority of people wouldn’t understand it. They wouldn’t understand why I consent to the punishments my husband gives. But I have hope that this is what will bring us closer to each other and to God.

Prayer for Submission — August 14, 2018

Prayer for Submission

I’m a creature of habit. Well, actually more of a neurotic woman with OCD tendencies. Routines and patterns make me feel safe, even when they seem odd to others. I could write hundreds of words about my OCD, but instead, I’m going to write about one of the good ones.

Every night as part of my good night ritual with the kids, I remind them, “Say your prayers.” They’re all old enough to the point when I don’t need to sit with them as they pray and I think they like to prayer by themselves, so I say those words, of course adding “I love you” and a kiss on the cheek, and then leave them to rest.

And then, about two months ago, I realized that I was reminding my kids to pray at night but not praying myself. What a hypocrite! So I started saying good night to God once I climbed in bed, or sometimes even when I was getting ready to lay down. And then, another realization: I was focused on other things even while I was giving thanks and asking for His blessings.

So, I started kneeling. I try to focus solely on my prayer as I’m in a vulnerable position like this. I’ve been doing this for a little over three weeks, and I can tell a difference. I struggle with it sometimes, thinking about how tired I am and do I really need to get down on the floor? But I’m doing it anyway.

What does this have to do with submission? Well, kneeling is a physical symbol of being submissive. I feel humbled when I’m there in the moment, like God can see me and I hope He recognizes that I’m trying this position to better focus on Him.

Also, I’m making a concerted effort to ask Him to help me better myself and become more submissive and respectful to my husband. You know what? I think it might be working. I’m not there fully by any means, but I am trying. I’m being more mindful of choosing submission as well. Again, in no way am I at a place of complete submission, but I do believe I’m closer than before.

So, I’m on my knees every night with a prayer that thanks God for what He’s given me and my loved ones. Yes, I ask Him for help and for what I think I want, but it’s a time for me to focus and pray. Less than five minutes every day. I have faith that those moments will halo guide me further into submission.

Some People Just Don’t Understand CDD — July 31, 2018

Some People Just Don’t Understand CDD

Someone posted harsh comments on my blog recently. This person called me masochistic and a child woman. But, I chose to approve those comments, showing them on the posts, anyway. Why would I want to share that person’s criticism about how my husband spanks me in the form of Christian domestic discipline? For two simple reasons:

  1. When I shared the comments with my husband and asked his opinion, he told me that the person’s comments are free speech and by ignoring them, I’d be like a “snowflake” who doesn’t want to have a discussion. Point taken.
  2. We also talked about how those comments might lead to a further discussion about CDD and submission. As our one-on-one conversations have deepened about submission and respect, my husband pointed out that it’s okay for people to have different viewpoints on this.

So, I added the comments to my posts and am waiting to see what happens. Someone’s responded in support of what I’ve written, and I appreciate that. But most of all, I’m hoping that all of these comments spur further discussion about CDD.

Heavy Lifting & A Reminder Spanking — July 23, 2018

Heavy Lifting & A Reminder Spanking

The rooms are clean. The house is bare. The truck is loaded. Moving Day is almost here. I pray that everything goes smoothly this week! We are about to start our new lives in a great location where we can have access to nearly everything our hearts desire.

There’s been a lot of heavy lifting this weekend. Do you know how much an average coffee table weighs? I do. Unfortunately. ūüôā Last weekend was spent moving furniture and getting ready for the truck to arrive. We started loading on Friday night and finished about 24 hours later. Everything is done with the exception of those random objects that can’t be taken out until we leave this house for good.

I’m proud to say that I didn’t have any real outbursts this weekend. Moving heavy objects and working nonstop can be a recipe for disaster when you’re short-tempered and stressed, but I held it together. Oh, there were moments when I made rude remarks and mouthed off, but I’m happy to report that those were very sporadic and short-lived. Was I perfect? By no means. But, we made it through. As I told my husband today, “Even though we fight and I frustrate you, I think we make a pretty good team.” He agreed. That makes me so happy.

We did take a little break early in the moving process to enjoy each other. It was so fun. (wink, wink) In the midst of it, I asked him for a reminder spanking. I said I deserved it and wanted a reminder to be good. He said he would give me one but that it wasn’t going to be a CDD spanking. That’s very important because he and I make a conscious effort to separate punishment spankings from our sex life. If he spanks me during sex, it’s for fun and playing “naughty” – Not because I deserve to be spanked for a wrongdoing. But, he did give me a stern spanking, which is what I felt I needed at that moment.

So, the weekend is over, and we’re exhausted. I’ll post again soon in our new location.

It’s Back to the Basics for This Fraud — July 14, 2018

It’s Back to the Basics for This Fraud

I am a fraud. An ashamed, rebellious fraud.

My husband and I have been talking a lot about Christian Domestic Discipline. My behavior is out of control. I’m at a point where I’ve driven him to anger and grief. And what do I do? Continue to fall short.

After a fight yesterday, a ridiculous argument stemming from my stubborn, nasty side, we talked about this blog. How can I write about Christian domestic discipline when I’m so rebellious? Why do I continue to ignore the foundation of what CDD is all about: submission.

As I told him nearly a week ago, I want to go all-in or forget about it all. But,¬†I’m not ready to give up. I’m not ready to let go of this. We talked about how CDD is not about the punishment. That’s what draws attention to this lifestyle, but the spankings and corner-time are the results of failing to submit. They’re not what CDD is built upon.

God. God is the ultimate Father. The keeper of us all who we must obey.

“But now, O¬†Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8)

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Then, the husband. The husband is the head of the wife. The leader of the earth-bound family. He commands respect and is responsible for our journey here.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.¬†For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)

So, what do I do next? I’m focusing on being a better wife and mother. I pray about it nightly. I can do this. I know I can. But it’s getting back to the basics in order to be a submissive wife and to stop being a fraud.

Notes from 2016 — July 10, 2018

Notes from 2016

I haven’t received discipline since I wrote my last post. I deserve a spanking. I know I do, but nothing has happened yet. My husband and I discussed Christian domestic discipline again but nothing has come of it. I’m trying to be good. Calmer. More respectful. But my nerves are shot from stress and I feel like I’m about to come unglued, and I know that a discipline session would help ground me. I don’t know how to bring it up, though, because I don’t want to push it.

As we’re cleaning house for the impending move, I found my old journal. So, in absence of a longer update, I thought I’d share a journal entry from 2016.

My husband and I started talking about CDD again. We have practiced this before, but now we have decided to make it a lifestyle. I started reading “Order of Marriage and Christian Domestic Discipline,” and I copied portions for him to read. He agreed with me, and after much discussion, we sat down with a contract to move forward. My rules are to not disrespect him or others, to be obedient to him, to be humble, to take steps to be healthy, and to avoid jealousy. These are the general rules and can change at any time he sees fit. Most importantly, I am not allowed to question his authority, and if I tell him to stop at any time during a punishment, he will stop and we’ll no longer use CDD in our life.

On Friday I received my first spanking. He used a leather paddle that we had bought at a sex shop awhile back. We have to be quiet because the kids could hear, so it was difficult to focus. I should mention that in the afternoon I asked him to give me a brief reminder spanking. He used his flip flop, and while it hurt, it was much too loud. That night, with the paddle, I was in a lot of pain, but I could tell that the situation will not work for many times because of the noise. I cried after the spanking, and he comforted me. We prayed too. The comfort and prayer is most important because he helps me release the guilt and move forward.

We changed to a switch the next night, which was much quieter but much more painful. I sobbed into his shoulder and felt a real difference afterward. He used the switch the next night as well, but I started bleeding a lot because the switch opened welts. Then we talked about other implements. I bought a wooden dowel, and that was my last spanking so far. It was the most severe, painful spanking that I’ve received, and I’ve been too bruised and cut up to receive another one for the past two days. He did take away my tv privileges for a week, which I hate. He said I’ll receive another punishment tonight. I don’t know what it will be.

The spanking are horrible and I dread any other punishment, but CDD is much more than that. I’ve screwed up a lot in my marriage and caused so much undo stress on my husband. I’ve made his life miserable, which I deeply regret. I pray for forgiveness and to be a better wife. With this lifestyle, I want to make changes. Our lives are stressful enough, so I can’t add to that stress by being prideful and unsubmissive. I feel like something is changing inside me, but I don’t know how much is changing. I want to make a change and show God and my husband how I can be an excellent wife and mother.

That’s it for that journal entry. Clearly, I was receiving very severe punishments, but I know I deserved them. I’m not sure how to get back to that type of consistent punishment and consistent reminders of the rules. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Many, many mistakes. I want to atone for those.

What is Transformational Discipline? — July 8, 2018

What is Transformational Discipline?

I should write more than this, but a simple post must suffice. I need a transformational spanking from my husband. I hope he reads this. I’m ready to be spanked to tears and to fully submit.

From Christian Domestic Discipline:

“A Transformational Discipline will teach a woman the true meaning of her submission. She will learn not only to submit to her punishment, which she will do anyway because of the pain of her spanking, but also to submit to her HOH and to his authority over her. When a woman receives a Transformational Discipline, she will discover a deeper meaning of submission. She will feel that her submission is truly a part of her as a woman, rather than being a separate act which she performs from time to time. She will experience submission as in integral part of her femininity and her womanhood. In this way, she is fulfilling herself as a woman. She is discovering her true path to genuine personal growth, love and intimacy.”

The Breaking Point — July 6, 2018

The Breaking Point

Summer is in full force. It’s hot and humid out, so I’m determined to stay inside as much as I can to avoid feeling like a sticky mess. We have a lot going on now. We have sold our house and are quickly searching for a new one. Trying to factor in all of the different needs for this family while maintaining a reasonable budget isn’t simple. Now the kids have left for the summer now to go to their other parents’ houses, so it’s at least quiet around here as we scramble to get everything done.

My husband is bearing the bulk of this stress as he wants me to stay focused on work and getting healthy. But I haven’t made it easy on him thus far. He warned me yesterday that he can’t handle back-talking or any other shenanigans this month. There’s too much to do, and when I act out, it makes the stress even worse. He told me that if I tried to hurt myself or if I caused an uproar, he’s done.

That sounds harsh, but I don’t blame him. This is my husband being brutally honest with me about how much he needs me to hold it together right now. I drive him to the breaking point when I lose it. I get angry, irrational, and mean. I’ll throw out insults like none other. Part of this is because of my mental illness, but a bigger part is that I refuse to communicate, I want to have the last word, and I am too prideful.

So, I’ve made a promise that I’ll get my emotions under control. I’m trying to be more active, especially when I work from home. I’m trying to be more open to talking about issues calmly. Every night I pray to God to watch over our family, and I’ve been asking Him to help me show patience and to guard my tongue. I believe these prayers will help me. I love my husband so much. What I do when I’m angry is not okay. It’s not showing love.

As we have an empty nest for the next few weeks, I pray that we can return to a CDD lifestyle too, despite our busy days. I yearn for it. I’m going to broach the subject with him today. Let’s see what happens.

Making Amends: Submission in Gilead — June 24, 2018

Making Amends: Submission in Gilead

The Handmaid’s Tale is a social phenomenon right now. My Facebook feed includes memes comparing the current sociopolitical climate of America to how the handmaids experience life in Gilead.

I love Margaret Atwood’s book. Atwood has crafted a winding, often terrifying tome with language that is both haunting and beautiful. For those who aren’t familiar with the story, Offred is a handmaid in Gilead, a new country that has taken over America where men are in charge and women are submissive. The caste system of Gilead is the stuff of nightmares. Offred has been assigned to Commander Fred Waterford’s home not as a servant, but as a vessel for his child. In this dystopian world, her sole purpose is to bear his child. Every month during the Ceremony, she lays between Mrs. Waterford’s legs as the Commander rapes her. Handmaids live in fear and isolation, following rules laid out by Aunt Lydia and her counterparts under the threat of death — or worse, being sent to the Colonies. Offred, true to her name, rebels against the rules and expectations of Gilead.

In Hulu’s tv series adaptation of The Handmaid’s Tale, Elisabeth Moss and an outstanding cast of actors capture the fear and oppression of this new world. The first season follows Atwood’s book closely, bringing Offred’s terror to life on the screen. Season 2 expands on the story, weaving together the stories of the main character and others, including those who live as handmaids and those who have escaped that sentence. It is an impressive show, and I encourage people to watch it, if they are so inclined to be fascinated by this dystopia.

So why am I writing about¬†The Handmaid’s Tale in a blog about Christian domestic discipline? I struggle with the comparisons of how the characters use God’s name to rape, violate, and murder those who do not fall in line. However, a scene in Episode 8 of Season 2, titled “Women’s Work,” brings CDD to the small screen.

Without revealing too many spoilers, Serena has stepped across the line of being Commander Waterford’s wife. She has disobeyed him. Telling her that they must make amends, he reads passages from 1 Peter 3: “1…ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…7¬†…ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…” to give reason for the amends, and then he punishes Serena with the strap of his belt.

I’ve been spanked like this before. The most common implement for us is a riding crop, but I’ve felt the bite of a thick belt across my bare bottom many times. I’ve felt the thwack of a paddle, the sting of a hand leaving an imprint on my flesh. But I’ve deserved each spanking. I’ve gone against 1 Peter 3, Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, and the other verses that command wives to submit to their husbands. I have sinned against God not just in being prideful and showing disrespect to others, not just to my husband. Honoring God and my husband has not been my strong suit far too many times. I ask for forgiveness.

I’m sure that critics of Christianity could harken on this episode as one that shows how women should not be submissive to their wives. But Gilead is fictional. It is a dystopia in which Gilead is ruled under the guise of Christianity, using a strict reading of the Bible to oppresses rather than show God’s love and unfailing mercy. What occurred to me when watching this scene is the word “amends.” It reinforced how I can show amends to my husband by accepting punishment while focusing on improving my behavior. By all accounts, I struggle with submission every day. We’re having serious conversations about how we can revive this part of our lives because we believe it is God’s will. We believe that CDD will help us become more intimate, more connected to each other and to Him, and that it will help us to be a happier family. And for that to happen, I must make amends.

10 Reasons Why I Need Discipline — April 30, 2018

10 Reasons Why I Need Discipline

I told myself I’d get one more post in for April, so here is a list of 10 reasons why I deserve a serious discipline session. I’ve been sick, but now that I’m better, I’m certain a sound spanking is about to come my way.

  1. I need direction. We have many serious questions to answer in the coming month. I need to be focused.
  2. I’ve been moody, grumpy, and impatient. My family should not suffer for my bad mood.
  3. I’ve been disrespectful to my husband. Snide comments do not make a submissive wife.
  4. Consistency is key. I need regular reminders of why we’ve chosen a CDD lifestyle.
  5. It’s time. My husband has been patient and considerate of my health. I’m better now.
  6. By consenting to a spanking, I’m giving my husband control. Enough said.
  7. I’m too prideful. A crop to my bottom reminds me that humility is necessary for submission.
  8. This is a journey. I haven’t become fully submissive, not even close.
  9. He deserves respect and honor. He is to lead our house, but I am responsible for supporting him. When I fail to do that, I am failing him.
  10. God wants us to have a successful marriage. I believe that CDD will help us reach that point and be closer to God.

What should I add to this list?

What I Want Him to Be — April 23, 2018

What I Want Him to Be

“If I want my husband to be the leader God created him to be, I have to step down first.”

I can’t find the attribution to this quote, but I wrote it down some time ago and feel the need to ponder it today.

We want others to be many things. Some of those are positive, life-affirming desires, like me wanting my children to be kind, happy, and successful at whatever they choose to pursue. That’s a good “want.” But in order for that desire to be fulfilled, I must play a role as their mother. Kindness comes from seeing how to be kind. Happiness comes from learning what you most yearn for in this world. Success comes from understanding that you have to work hard for what you want. To be kind, happy, and successful, you need to see others do the same — and help them in the process. So, if I want my kids to be kind to others, they need to watch me treat people with kindness. I have to lead by example.

If you want someone to do something or be something, you have to take action, and then let them make the decision from there. That’s what this quote says to me. By stepping down, I am giving my husband the freedom to make the choice to be a leader on his own. ¬†In simple terms, I have to get off my high horse and let him take the reins.

Letting someone else lead me does not come easily, but it’s going to be worth it in the end. Ultimately, my husband knows what is best and he desperately wants to take control of our marriage. I need to step down and let him lead.

Hypocrite — April 18, 2018

Hypocrite

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:5

Matthew 7:5 is a commonly known verse. I tend to think that people use it to their advantage. But the truth is, we’re all hypocrites in some way or another. I know I am. I lash out and deal out criticism freely, but I hate being criticized. I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. Not an easy admission here, but it’s true.

So I’m working on it. Do I think I’ll never be hypocritical again? No, I’m not that naive, but I’m optimistic that I can do better. When my husband calls me out for my behavior, then I need to accept it and remedy it, not respond with my own snarky comment or criticism. That new approach is part of submission, right?

I had my little freakout last week, and we fought over the weekend, too. But, things have been good since then. I want our marriage to be good. I want to be good.

The Argument — April 12, 2018

The Argument

My husband and I just had an argument. I don’t want to apologize. I just don’t.

What upsets me more than anything is that we can’t talk without arguing some days. Many days actually. I know that I’m to blame 98% of the time. I am impatient, irritable, and irrational. I am selfish, and I jump to conclusions. I complain and don’t listen. I have thin skin and, frankly, can be a real witch.

But I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. I want us to have a happy, loving household. Not perfect. Just happy. Happy enough that the bad days are anomalies, not the norm.

I writ this blog with explanations and expectations about CDD. But today I feel like a fraud. CDD doesn’t seem like it’s helping. I’m not where I need to be as a submissive wife. I just need help.

Making Him Happy — March 28, 2018

Making Him Happy

Confession: I am not a good housewife. I enjoy going to work outside of our home each day. I get satisfaction from it. I don’t enjoy taking care of domestic responsibilities. I’m not a good cook. A little clutter doesn’t bother me, and I loathe dusting. I’m not a slob, but I’m not one to obsess over vacuuming. I grew up having just a few chores, so I’m not conscious of the many things around the house that need to be done. I’d much rather come home from work and sit on the couch, reading or watching tv. I know. I’m lazy.

You can imagine where this is going. I am not the typical submissive wife in this regard. My husband likes to cook, and he can’t stand clutter. By default, he ends up doing a lot of the work around the house, mainly because I just don’t pay attention to it. Obviously, this bothers him. I am trying to make more of an effort to be active around the house, and I’m proud of the steps I took over the weekend. I cleaned our bathroom, emptied the dishwasher several times, and even cooked. I also prepped my lunches for the week, something that he’s been on me about.

I did all of these things on my own without prompting. They’re simple, mundane, I-should-have-been-doing-them-already tasks, but I made an effort. One step in this journey toward submission is to be a better wife at home, which means being more proactive – one of his biggest complaints about me. Making him happy is one of my jobs, and I feel invigorated because I was happy once I saw that he was happy.

Little steps. Obvious steps. But forward steps all the same.

Act According to His Will — March 22, 2018

Act According to His Will

And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. Luke 12:47

I am not to be my husband’s servant. I am to be submissive to him. He is not to be my master. He is to be the head of the household. Reading Luke 1247, I think about the message behind what Christian domestic discipline teaches. I believe you can apply what Jesus says in Luke 12:47 to this lifestyle:

And that servant who knew his master’s will
And that wife who knew her husband’s will

As He does often, Jesus speaks in metaphor to teach how we should follow God’s way. A servant person who knows what the master God wants, but does not abide by that will, shall receive a severe punishment not be allowed into Heaven. It’s a powerful visual as we see that Jesus advises us to follow the will of God.

In a more literal sense, Luke 12:47 can be applied to CDD. Just as Christ is the head of the church, a husband is the head of his wife. While I am not a servant in my house, I am to be submissive to my husband like a servant. I do this with the trust that my husband will guide our household to what is best. So when I willfully disobey my husband, I must feel the effects of my disobedience. In our case, that generally means a sound spanking with a leather riding crop. If I have crossed a line in our marriage, I must be punished. If I have not acted according to my husband’s will and the rules upon which we have agreed, ¬†then I must be spanked into submission. I must feel the sting and bite of that crop across my backside.

I am freely admitting that I deserve severe spankings — many more than what my husband gives. I know his will. I know the rules and I know his expectations, but I ¬†continually fall short. Fall short at best, willfully disobey at worst. At the height of my rebellion, I cause more emotional pain for my husband and our children, more than whatever physical pain a spanking could enforce.

I think that’s why Luke 12:47 resonates with me. I need to fully submit and follow my husband’s will, what he so desperately sees as how to make our lives better. I struggle every day, which makes me question how committed I am to a CDD lifestyle, but I want it. I want the life that he paints for us in our conversations, what he envisions for us in the future. And, most importantly, I want a Godly marriage, one that celebrates the glory and power of Jesus and the will of the Lord.

So, if I want to make that happen, I have to act according to my husband’s will. I start by writing it down.

  1. Do not argue.
  2. Listen to him before I speak.
  3. Accept what is. Don’t force what I want it to be.
  4. Be more involved in the household.
  5. Show patience and understanding.
  6. Keep a conservative budget.
  7. Treat myself better; be healthy.
  8. Be proactive about our future.

I’m ashamed to think of how rarely I follow these rules. My husband doesn’t expect perfection. In fact, he doesn’t even want it! But he wants – and deserves – respect, kindness, and patience.

It’s embarrassing to open up like this, but it’s time to come clean about who I am and how short I fall every day. By doing so, I hope to start anew and start to live a life of true submission.

Thank You for Spanking Me — March 1, 2018

Thank You for Spanking Me

I came across this interesting post about why a wife should thank her husband after a spanking. It’s interesting to me because I had not thought about giving thanks to my husband for punishment. I think http://www.christiandomesticdisciplinelife.com is right, though. Here are the reasons why I need to be grateful for my husband’s commitment to spanking me, even though it hurts.

  1. I benefit from spanking because it is meant to help improve my behavior.
  2. Thanking my husband for a spanking is polite and shows him respect, which I struggle with.
  3. “Thank you” shows that I have learned my lesson from the punishment session.

I’ve been warned to prepare myself for a spanking tonight. This session, and several more, are much deserved because of some terrible, horrible behavior against my husband that I exhibited in front of our children and strangers. I’ll detail that more in a later post. In the meantime, I’ll be practicing gratitude for a very sore bottom.

Obey and Submit to His Responsibility — January 28, 2018

Obey and Submit to His Responsibility

“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” – Hebrews 13:17

My husband recognizes that he is responsible for the souls in our household. He refers to this often as a reminder that the husband is the head of the house, just as Christ is the head of the Church.

What should I give him in return for the massive responsibility that he has to me and our children? Hebrews 13:17 encapsulates it. I must obey and submit. It has occurred to me that if I do not obey and submit to my husband, he will be judged for it, meaning that he will have to give an account to God for my behavior. To ensure that his account is positive, I need to obey and submit. It’s my responsibility to behave like a Godly wife.

This is a realization to me. It’s not to say that I’m perfect by any means, nor have I ever been. We’re on a continual path of improving our marriage, but we’re also better than before. However, I need to make a stronger effort to be an obedient, submissive wife who respects her husband for the responsibility that he carries and the love that he shows.

#MeToo and Submission — January 21, 2018

#MeToo and Submission

#MeToo

That hashtag has come to represent a growing movement in society. A movement that represents women’s assertion that victims of sexual harassment and abuse will no longer be silenced.¬†I’m part of #MeToo. I was sexually assaulted at age 18 and was told later, after I summoned the courage to break my silence, that I “asked for it.”

So, you might wonder, why I, as a member of #MeToo, would agree to a Christian domestic discipline lifestyle. My answer is simple. CDD is not abuse. My husband does not assault me. He does not abuse me. When he spanks me, he does so with love and a commitment to improving our marriage under the teachings of God. Before he strikes my bottom with the crop or the paddle or his hand, he asks me if I consent. And I do. I consent to the punishments because I believe that they are helping me improve myself as a Christian wife and mother.

Submission does not come easy to me. I’m prideful to the utmost degree. I want to be right, all of the time. Some of that pride comes from insecurity, from the need to validate who I am and what I’ve done. But a lot of that pride comes from just being stubborn, selfish, and stupid. That culminates in arguments — which I start — and my husband feeling exasperated, frustrated, and ready to tear his hair out. I need to submit to improve my marriage. Eliminating my pride, humbling myself in front of my husband and in front of God, will help enormously.

But, back to #MeToo. Almost 20 years later, my assault will never be gone from my memory, and I still¬†have anger against my mother for saying that I asked for it. But, I’m one of the lucky ones.¬†I’ve mostly moved past it. There are more days that I don’t think about what happened than days that I do. I’m no longer that confused, hurt young woman who kept quiet. But I’m also not going to shout from the rooftops about the assault.

My husband protects me. He nurtures me. He loves me. What I’m saying, I guess, is that in my world, #MeToo and submission can coexist. I can be a survivor and a submissive wife, or at least I can try.

Back Again: Reflections on CDD — December 4, 2017

Back Again: Reflections on CDD

I60b7af3a8e2ce8b87ef35af83a62f9d9t’s been quite awhile. I can’t pinpoint the date of my last punishment, but I know I’ve deserved plenty!

In despite of my absence, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of Christian Domestic Discipline. It’s not an easy topic. I’ve received comments from others that CDD is not a Christian practice. While I disagree with their comments, it’s their right to have such opinions. My husband and I battled with the idea of CDD when we first came upon it. It’s definitely out of the ordinary to think that a woman would consent to be submissive to her husband and follow that consent with an agreement that her husband is allowed to punish her for misbehavior.

But, CDD has its place in our marriage. There are ebbs and flows to it, however. When I’m stressed over work and our family is going through multiple changes, it’s hard to focus on what CDD is meant to do. My husband often talks about the challenge of trying to determine when to enact punishments. I tell him that he has the right to punish me at any time he sees fit, but as he points out, it’s hard to spank someone who is always tired or has a headache. Add kids and good acoustics in the house, and finding a window of time for punishment can be difficult.

Yes, I recognize that some people will never understand how I could find balance from being spanked, but it’s true. And, as I’ve stated multiple times, those spankings are not about sexual gratification for either of us. When my husband uses the crop or belt or paddle on my backside, we are most certainly not thinking about sex. There is a time for punishment and a time for sex. While I’ve heard some couples often make love after a discipline session, that simply doesn’t work for us. We don’t want the two acts to commingle, and that’s okay.

As much as I hate the sting and pain of the spankings, I truly believe that CDD will help me focus my life on God, my husband, and my children. I’ve been drifting away from all of them for awhile now, but recently we’ve taken major steps — physical, emotional, and financial — to improve our lives. I firmly believe that CDD is a tool that will help us reach our goals.

So, I commit to posting here more frequently again. I may not be able to sit comfortably for awhile in the near future, but you’ll be reading about that soon.