10 Reasons Why I Need Discipline

I told myself I’d get one more post in for April, so here is a list of 10 reasons why I deserve a serious discipline session. I’ve been sick, but now that I’m better, I’m certain a sound spanking is about to come my way.

1. I need direction. We have many serious questions to answer in the coming month. I need to be focused.
2. I’ve been moody, grumpy, and impatient. My family should not suffer for my bad mood.
3. I’ve been disrespectful to my husband. Snide comments do not make a submissive wife.
4. Consistency is key. I need regular reminders of why we’ve chosen a CDD lifestyle.
5. It’s time. My husband has been patient and considerate of my health. I’m better now.
6. By consenting to a spanking, I’m giving my husband control. Enough said.
7. I’m too prideful. A crop to my bottom reminds me that humility is necessary for submission.
8. This is a journey. I haven’t become fully submissive, not even close.
9. He deserves respect and honor. He is to lead our house, but I am responsible for supporting him. When I fail to do that, I am failing him.
10. God wants us to have a successful marriage. I believe that CDD will help us reach that point and be closer to God.

What should I add to this list?

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What I Want Him to Be

“If I want my husband to be the leader God created him to be, I have to step down first.”

I can’t find the attribution to this quote, but I wrote it down some time ago and feel the need to ponder it today.

We want others to be many things. Some of those are positive, life-affirming desires, like me wanting my children to be kind, happy, and successful at whatever they choose to pursue. That’s a good “want.” But in order for that desire to be fulfilled, I must play a role as their mother. Kindness comes from seeing how to be kind. Happiness comes from learning what you most yearn for in this world. Success comes from understanding that you have to work hard for what you want. To be kind, happy, and successful, you need to see others do the same — and help them in the process. So, if I want my kids to be kind to others, they need to watch me treat people with kindness. I have to lead by example.

If you want someone to do something or be something, you have to take action, and then let them make the decision from there. That’s what this quote says to me. By stepping down, I am giving my husband the freedom to make the choice to be a leader on his own.  In simple terms, I have to get off my high horse and let him take the reins.

Letting someone else lead me does not come easily, but it’s going to be worth it in the end. Ultimately, my husband knows what is best and he desperately wants to take control of our marriage. I need to step down and let him lead.

Hypocrite

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:5

Matthew 7:5 is a commonly known verse. I tend to think that people use it to their advantage. But the truth is, we’re all hypocrites in some way or another. I know I am. I lash out and deal out criticism freely, but I hate being criticized. I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. Not an easy admission here, but it’s true.

So I’m working on it. Do I think I’ll never be hypocritical again? No, I’m not that naive, but I’m optimistic that I can do better. When my husband calls me out for my behavior, then I need to accept it and remedy it, not respond with my own snarky comment or criticism. That new approach is part of submission, right?

I had my little freakout last week, and we fought over the weekend, too. But, things have been good since then. I want our marriage to be good. I want to be good.

The Argument

My husband and I just had an argument. I don’t want to apologize. I just don’t.

What upsets me more than anything is that we can’t talk without arguing some days. Many days actually. I know that I’m to blame 98% of the time. I am impatient, irritable, and irrational. I am selfish, and I jump to conclusions. I complain and don’t listen. I have thin skin and, frankly, can be a real witch.

But I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. I want us to have a happy, loving household. Not perfect. Just happy. Happy enough that the bad days are anomalies, not the norm.

I writ this blog with explanations and expectations about CDD. But today I feel like a fraud. CDD doesn’t seem like it’s helping. I’m not where I need to be as a submissive wife. I just need help.

Making Him Happy

Confession: I am not a good housewife. I enjoy going to work outside of our home each day. I get satisfaction from it. I don’t enjoy taking care of domestic responsibilities. I’m not a good cook. A little clutter doesn’t bother me, and I loathe dusting. I’m not a slob, but I’m not one to obsessive over vacuuming. I grew up having few chores, so I’m not conscious of the many things around the house that need to be done. I’d much rather come home from work and sit on the couch, reading or watching tv. I know. I’m lazy.

You can imagine where this is going. I am not the typical submissive wife in this regard. My husband likes to cook, and he can’t stand clutter. By default, he ends up doing a lot of the work around the house, mainly because I just don’t pay attention to it. Obviously, this bothers him. I am trying to make more of an effort to be active around the house, and I’m proud of the steps I took over the weekend. I cleaned our bathroom, emptied the dishwasher several times, and even cooked. I also prepped my lunches for the week, something that he’s been on me about.

I did all of these things on my own without prompting. They’re simple, mundane, I-should-have-been-doing-them-already tasks, but I made an effort. One step in this journey toward submission is to be a better wife at home, which means being more proactive – one of his biggest complaints about me. Making him happy is one of my jobs, and I feel invigorated because I was happy once I saw that he was happy.

Little steps. Obvious steps. But forward steps all the same.

Act According to His Will

And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. Luke 12:47

I am not to be my husband’s servant. I am to be submissive to him. He is not to be my master. He is to be the head of the household. Reading Luke 1247, I think about the message behind what Christian domestic discipline teaches. I believe you can apply what Jesus says in Luke 12:47 to this lifestyle:

And that servant who knew his master’s will
And that wife who knew her husband’s will

As He does often, Jesus speaks in metaphor to teach how we should follow God’s way. A servant person who knows what the master God wants, but does not abide by that will, shall receive a severe punishment not be allowed into Heaven. It’s a powerful visual as we see that Jesus advises us to follow the will of God.

In a more literal sense, Luke 12:47 can be applied to CDD. Just as Christ is the head of the church, a husband is the head of his wife. While I am not a servant in my house, I am to be submissive to my husband like a servant. I do this with the trust that my husband will guide our household to what is best. So when I willfully disobey my husband, I must feel the effects of my disobedience. In our case, that generally means a sound spanking with a leather riding crop. If I have crossed a line in our marriage, I must be punished. If I have not acted according to my husband’s will and the rules upon which we have agreed,  then I must be spanked into submission. I must feel the sting and bite of that crop across my backside.

I am freely admitting that I deserve severe spankings — many more than what my husband gives. I know his will. I know the rules and I know his expectations, but I  continually fall short. Fall short at best, willfully disobey at worst. At the height of my rebellion, I cause more emotional pain for my husband and our children, more than whatever physical pain a spanking could enforce.

I think that’s why Luke 12:47 resonates with me. I need to fully submit and follow my husband’s will, what he so desperately sees as how to make our lives better. I struggle every day, which makes me question how committed I am to a CDD lifestyle, but I want it. I want the life that he paints for us in our conversations, what he envisions for us in the future. And, most importantly, I want a Godly marriage, one that celebrates the glory and power of Jesus and the will of the Lord.

So, if I want to make that happen, I have to act according to my husband’s will. I start by writing it down.

1. Do not argue.
2. Listen to him before I speak.
3. Accept what is. Don’t force what I want it to be.
4. Be more involved in the household.
5. Show patience and understanding.
6. Keep a conservative budget.
7. Treat myself better; be healthy.
8. Be proactive about our future.

I’m ashamed to think of how rarely I follow these rules. My husband doesn’t expect perfection. In fact, he doesn’t even want it! But he wants – and deserves – respect, kindness, and patience.

It’s embarrassing to open up like this, but it’s time to come clean about who I am and how short I fall every day. By doing so, I hope to start anew and start to live a life of true submission.

Thank You for Spanking Me

I came across this interesting post about why a wife should thank her husband after a spanking. It’s interesting to me because I had not thought about giving thanks to my husband for punishment. I think http://www.christiandomesticdisciplinelife.com is right, though. Here are the reasons why I need to be grateful for my husband’s commitment to spanking me, even though it hurts.

1. I benefit from spanking because it is meant to help improve my behavior.
2. Thanking my husband for a spanking is polite and shows him respect, which I struggle with.
3. “Thank you” shows that I have learned my lesson from the punishment session.

I’ve been warned to prepare myself for a spanking tonight. This session, and several more, are much deserved because of some terrible, horrible behavior against my husband that I exhibited in front of our children and strangers. I’ll detail that more in a later post. In the meantime, I’ll be practicing gratitude for a very sore bottom.

Obey and Submit to His Responsibility

“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” – Hebrews 13:17

My husband recognizes that he is responsible for the souls in our household. He refers to this often as a reminder that the husband is the head of the house, just as Christ is the head of the Church.

What should I give him in return for the massive responsibility that he has to me and our children? Hebrews 13:17 encapsulates it. I must obey and submit. It has occurred to me that if I do not obey and submit to my husband, he will be judged for it, meaning that he will have to give an account to God for my behavior. To ensure that his account is positive, I need to obey and submit. It’s my responsibility to behave like a Godly wife.

This is a realization to me. It’s not to say that I’m perfect by any means, nor have I ever been. We’re on a continual path of improving our marriage, but we’re also better than before. However, I need to make a stronger effort to be an obedient, submissive wife who respects her husband for the responsibility that he carries and the love that he shows.

#MeToo and Submission

#MeToo

That hashtag has come to represent a growing movement in society. A movement that represents women’s assertion that victims of sexual harassment and abuse will no longer be silenced. I’m part of #MeToo. I was sexually assaulted at age 18 and told later, after I summoned the courage to break my silence, that I “asked for it.”

So, you might wonder, why I, as a member of #MeToo, would agree to a Christian domestic discipline lifestyle. My answer is simple. CDD is not abuse. My husband does not assault me. He does not abuse me. When he spanks me, he does so with love and a commitment to improving our marriage under the teachings of God. Before he strikes my bottom with the crop or the paddle or his hand, he asks me if I consent. And I do. I consent to the punishments because I believe that they are helping me improve myself as a Christian wife and mother.

Submission does not come easy to me. I’m prideful to the utmost degree. I want to be right, all of the time. Some of that pride comes from insecurity, from the need to validate who I am and what I’ve done. But a lot of that pride comes from just being stubborn, selfish, and stupid. That culminates in arguments — which I start — and my husband feeling exasperated, frustrated, and ready to tear his hair out. I need to submit to improve my marriage. Eliminating my pride, humbling myself in front of my husband and in front of God, will help enormously.

But, back to #MeToo. Almost 20 years later, my assault will never be gone from my memory, and I still have anger against my mother for saying that I asked for it. But, I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve mostly moved past it. There are more days that I don’t think about what happened than days that I do. I’m no longer that confused, hurt young woman who kept quiet. But I’m also not going to shout from the rooftops about the assault.

My husband protects me. He nurtures me. He loves me. What I’m saying, I guess, is that in my world, #MeToo and submission can coexist. I can be a survivor and a submissive wife, or at least I can try.

Back Again: Reflections on CDD

It’s been quite awhile. I can’t pinpoint the date of my last punishment, but I know I’ve deserved plenty!

In despite of my absence, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of Christian Domestic Discipline. It’s not an easy topic. I’ve received comments from others that CDD is not a Christian practice. While I disagree with their comments, it’s their right to have such opinions. My husband and I battled with the idea of CDD when we first came upon it. It’s definitely out of the ordinary to think that a woman would consent to be submissive to her husband and follow that consent with an agreement that her husband is allowed to punish her for misbehavior.

But, CDD has its place in our marriage. There are ebbs and flows to it, however. When I’m stressed over work and our family is going through multiple changes, it’s hard to focus on what CDD is meant to do. My husband often talks about the challenge of trying to determine when to enact punishments. I tell him that he has the right to punish me at any time he sees fit, but as he points out, it’s hard to spank someone who is always tired or has a headache. Add kids and good acoustics in the house, and finding a window of time for punishment can be difficult.

Yes, I recognize that some people will never understand how I could find balance from being spanked, but it’s true. And, as I’ve stated multiple times, those spankings are not about sexual gratification for either of us. When my husband uses the crop or belt or paddle on my backside, we are most certainly not thinking about sex. There is a time for punishment and a time for sex. While I’ve heard some couples often make love after a discipline session, that simply doesn’t work for us. We don’t want the two acts to commingle, and that’s okay.

As much as I hate the sting and pain of the spankings, I truly believe that CDD will help me focus my life on God, my husband, and my children. I’ve been drifting away from all of them for awhile now, but recently we’ve taken major steps — physical, emotional, and financial — to improve our lives. I firmly believe that CDD is a tool that will help us reach our goals.

So, I commit to posting here more frequently again. I may not be able to sit comfortably for awhile in the near future, but you’ll be reading about that soon.