Last night was Night 3 of my 14-day punishment. As my husband said, “You have a deficit.” That’s definitely true. I’ve probably racked up more than 14 discipline sessions that I deserve, but I’m thankful he’s set a parameter of two weeks. However, if I don’t get my attitude in check, I’m sure there will be more. I may not be able to sit comfortably for the month of June.
After the session, I sat down (painfully) to talk with him. This turned into a lecture, and I was really trying to be submissive. His lecture covered two main points: my household chores and my bad habits.
I am not a good housewife. It’s not that I’m messy; I just don’t pay attention to the little details around the home. I also dread a lot of chores. I’m happy to fold laundry, but I hate emptying the dishwasher. I’m not a good cook, so my husband handles most of our meals. I guess this means that I’m failing in this area of submission.
My husband lectured me about paying more attention to what is happening in our home. For example, last night while watching the Blackhawks play hockey, he emptied the dishwasher and even instructed our daughter on how to properly load the machine. I, on the other hand, sat on the comfy chair and read my book. I knew I should have helped. I knew it. But I was tired from my day at work and just felt like reading, which brings me relaxation. Again, I failed at submission.
My husband was blunt with me, but he made some great points. The one that has stuck the most is that by leaving most of the household chores to him, I am degrading the one I love.
Bring on the tears.
Then we moved to the next topic of his lecture: my bad habits. I have an addictive personality. Give me a chocolate bar and I’ll want five more. Sit me down in front of Netflix and I’ll binge watch Gilmore Girls for hours. Offer to take me shopping and I’ll come home with half a dozen bags. Gluttony, sloth, and greed: these are three of the deadly sins, and I’m guilty of them all.
Two of my worst habits are Diet Coke and cigarettes. I’ve battled both of these for years. I’m used to picking up a couple of bottles of Diet Coke in the morning on my way to work. I’m used to enjoying a couple of cigarettes before bedtime. Those are two releases for me. But they’re slowly killing me.
Yes, I know it. Diet Coke and cigarettes are slowly killing me.
My husband hates these habits of mine. Perhaps even the Diet Coke more than the cigarettes. Last night he talked about how he is lowering his coffee intake, which he loves. The man adores his coffee, but he’s sacrificing that addiction so that he can better his health. He used the word sacrifice last night during his lecture, and I keep thinking about it today. He asked, “If I’m willing to sacrifice my coffee, why won’t you sacrifice something too?”
He’s right about this. Of course, I did stop at the gas station this morning for my Diet Coke, and I have smoked today. I haven’t stopped, but his words are running through my brain. Why can’t I sacrifice for him and for my health?
Submission doesn’t just come in the form of a paddle or a belt. It comes from emotionally committing to following my husband’s lead and committing to making our marriage better. I need to talk with him more about this concept. He’s accused me of only submitting in the bedroom (not sexually) for discipline when I should be mindful of our contract every day in all that I do.