Proverbs 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

This verse speaks to me as I work toward submission to my husband. No, we don’t have a parent-child relationship. Of course not. But part of teaching me to submit-and part of Christian domestic discipline-is that my husband loves me enough to be diligent to discipline me.

My husband is definitely being diligent about this now. He didn’t feel good yesterday and by bedtime he was very tired, but he maintained his stance that we must continue with our sessions. Unfortunately for me, I had demonstrated that I deserved well beyond a short session, so last night was more about how I’d behaved than simply erasing some of my deficit against past behaviors.

After work I was tired, and when I get tired, my patience and mood suffer. This is one of the big areas I need to work toward improving. My husband and I were having a simple conversation about our plans for the summer, but soon enough I turned it around to disagree with what he said. I became short with him and gave some biting remarks. He didn’t get angry with me, but he did walk out of the room, something I hate that he does. See, I always want to have the last word in our arguments-again something I need to work on to be submissive. My husband says that this comes from my prideful nature, and I know that he is right.

I also know that my behavior was unacceptable yesterday. Moving forward with CDD means that I acknowledge my behavior and repent. While our argument was not the worst that we’ve had and while I’d calmed down shortly after this argument, I still needed to be disciplined.

At bedtime we began our session. My husband began with a short lecture, telling me that I deserved more than a “deficit spanking.” I knew that. I acknowledged it while on the brink of tears because of my behavior. The discipline began as short and firm, but as he stopped and let me control myself, I soon turned to him and said, “I deserve more.” I knew that my behavior was unacceptable. He agreed and began again.

The discipline was more than 3 times as severe as it had in our previous days’ sessions, but as I sobbed into the pillow, I knew that my husband had been fair in the implementation. As he made me sit down on the bed afterward and continued with his lecture, I cried not just out of pain but out of misery for my bad behavior. He comforted me and showed kindness, telling me that even though I had been argumentative, I was still showing a little improvement. However, he shared his concern that I was not truly changing enough. He reminded me of the other discipline methods he could implement, even saying that he was formulating more ideas so that our sessions would not become a routine. This frightens me not because I fear him and his strength, but because I know that he will carry out what he sees fit based on my behavior.

As we ended our session with a prayer, he prayed for us to build a stronger marriage through God and asked that we both have strength to continue this journey. He asked that I continue my journey toward submission and that I guard my heart against pride so that I can truly answer to him and God. I pray those thoughts as well, as my husband is the leader of me and of our household.

Hebrews 13:17: Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.