Hebrews 12:11 – For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Last night was Night 6 of our 14-day discipline sessions. As you might imagine, my rear end is quite red and raw already. However, after my behavior yesterday afternoon, I expected the session to be even harsher than what we had discussed before. (See Learn to Take a Joke.)
First, you should know that we started using a new implement last night. I purchased a metal rod that is to be used to turn the window blinds. I was hesitant in my purchase because I didn’t know if my husband would be upset that I made the decision to buy a new implement since he is the one who makes the decisions about my discipline. Also, I knew it would hurt!
I think my husband was a little shocked when I showed him the rod, but I told him that I had read about couples using this type of implement. He hesitated at first to use it because he was afraid that it would hurt too much. However, I encouraged him because I knew I deserved it and because it is quieter than the paddle. We began with the lecture, and he told me that I still had a deficit spanking based on past behavior but I also needed more discipline because of my behavior that afternoon. He then said that I could choose between 10-15 more spanks at this time or add another night to our discipline sessions.
I chose to speak up at this moment. I admitted that I needed a more severe punishment because my behavior had been unacceptable that afternoon. However, I also said that I was proud of myself by the way I handled a situation with my stepdaughter at dinnertime. I am short with her a lot of the time (see Mothering), but last night, even though she made a rude comment to me, I did not respond. I just looked at my husband, and he reprimanded her. I was proud that I had not reacted but rather let him take control of the situation. This was a pretty big step for me, and he agreed.
However, that agreement didn’t lighten last night’s discipline. Let me tell you, the rod hurts. It’s a different kind of pain, more of a sting than the deep ache of the paddle, but it hurts nonetheless. One of my welts broke open just from one spank, which upset my husband. I think the session lasted for 20 spanks or so, but I lost count quickly.
He stopped and told me that I was done, but I remained still with my torso on the bed for several minutes to compose myself. When he came back, I thought he was going to start again, but instead he rubbed cream on me to give me some relief.
As I sat gently on the bed, we discussed the severity of the spankings I’d received over the past 6 days, and my husband told me that he would have to administer different types of discipline because of the condition of bottom. I’m fearful of what those might entail, not because I think he will hurt me but because I hope I can handle the sessions.
We ended the session with a prayer as always. Now, more than half a day later, I feel better physically and emotionally. I don’t feel pain, just a little discomfort, but mostly I feel calmer. I am beginning to accept my submissive role even more, and I’m proud of that. I think this is working.