I’m just going to say it. My husband and I have a healthy sexual relationship. We enjoy intimacy, which isn’t always convenient when our children are running around the house or knocking at our bedroom door. My medications and mood disorder sometimes get in the way of our bedroom plans, but for the most part, we enjoy each other at least twice a week. Not bad compared to my last marriage, which included sex about twice a month.

However, I’m writing this post to clarify a myth about Christian domestic discipline relationships. Spanking sessions do not include sex. That is the last thing on my mind when I am being disciplined. Our roles change when it is time for a discipline session. We put away that side of ourselves and focus on what is going to happen.

I understand that S&M is a big topic in the media right now because of books and movies like 50 Shades of Grey, but our relationship is not like that. We enjoy ourselves, and while he is in control of the situation, we have an equal say in what does or does not happen in our marital bed.

I see my husband in several different ways. First, he is the head of our household who is leading us to a better future. Alongside that role, he is my husband to whom I must submit and serve under his authority as I do to God’s authority. Third, he is my confident and best friend, someone who knows me better than I know myself in most cases. Finally, he is my lover, the man who brings me pleasure and excitement.

It’s difficult for me to talk about sex, surprisingly even more so than when I talk about discipline. I’m not sure why this is true. As God says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).