Almost three weeks ago, my husband told me that I was going to receive 14 days of discipline because my behavior had been unacceptable for the past month. This was also an opportunity for us to get on track with CDD and to show our commitment to this lifestyle.
Now, we have just one day left. Life took precedence over some of the discipline sessions, so we’ve been behind. However, it’s never been far from my mind that I am well-deserving of what he calls “deficit spankings.” Some of these discipline sessions have included more than just spankings, including bathroom time, tabasco sauce, and loss of privileges. Some of the spankings have been worse than others. He’s used a paddle, a rod, and a thin piece of plastic. None of these have been easy to take.
But now, as tonight is the last night of our 14-day discipline sessions, I’m reflecting on what I’ve learned. Some of this is obvious, but these past weeks have touched my soul and hopefully are leading me to a more submissive life.
First, the pain of the discipline is not as bad as the pain that my husband feels when he has to discipline me. He’s told me that before, and I believe him. My behavior can be hurtful and unacceptable, and I shouldn’t act so defiantly against the man I love the most on earth.
Second, being forced to think and repent is almost worse than the pain of a spanking. I hate bathroom time because I have no choice but to be left with my thoughts. I’ve started to overcome these feelings by talking to God and asking for His help and forgiveness. A blog reader, C for Now, also gave me the good idea that instead of talking to God about what I’ve done wrong, I should talk to Him about what I am thankful for. This is something I will work on.
Third, my pride gets in the way of our relationship. A lot. I have been trying to keep quiet when my husband and I bicker, purposefully not trying to have the last word. I have failed at this quite often, but I’m mindful of it more than ever. I want this to continue to grow.
Fourth, I love my children more than they know. They’re all with their other parents this summer for a time, and I miss them deeply. With all the hate and unrest in this country right now, I want them home with my husband and me so that we can protect them, love them, and show them God’s teachings.
Finally, God’s word is true. I keep going back to Colossians 3:18: Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord. This morning part of our pastor’s sermon was about not doing gymnastics with God’s word. Disobeying or ignoring Colossians 3:18 and other verses that talk about wives’ submission to their husbands would be doing just that. My husband is the head of this household, and I am honoring God by following the decisions that he makes.
So, tonight is the last night of the “deficit spankings.” We’ve already discussed that there will be maintenance at least once a week, and I expect that I’ll need it more than that at first. We talked about every three days, and I think that sounds more realistic as these maintenance spankings help me stay on track and remind me to be submissive. Then, of course, there will be discipline sessions if I misbehave. It is my hope that these sessions will become less and less, but I know right now that I need those too.
Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.