My husband said something to me last night. You see, we’d had a long discussion and I had my moments of trying to be argumentative and sarcastic. So he said, “I don’t think CDD is even working when you act like this! But I’ll continue to do it because you say it helps you.”

Wow. Talk about a wake-up call. After weeks-long discipline sessions, tears, and conversations, I thought I knew what I was doing and that I was moving toward true submission. But, I’m not. I guess I’ve stalled, forgotten, ignored-whatever verb you want to choose-but in the end, I’ve not been following the rules.

So I’ve been thinking about what submission looks like for me, or at least what I think it should look like. Here are some thoughts based on what the Lord says and what I envision my marriage to look like.

To be a submissive wife, I need to let my husband have the last word. I am terrible at this. I like to be right, and I like to end the conversations on my own terms. To say this irritates my husband is an understatement. I don’t always have to be right. I need to let things go and move forward when my husband says that the conversation is over.

A submissive wife lets her husband make the decisions in the family. She can weigh in with her opinion, but she is not the decision-maker in the household. If my husband decides that we need to build our savings instead of spending money on household improvements or anything else, then that is the final decision, for example. He knows what is best for this family.

Something else that occurred to me is that submission means listening. Truly listening to my husband. In 1 Corinthians 14:33-35, it says, “As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” This doesn’t just apply to church settings. A submissive wife needs to be quiet and listen to her husband’s thoughts and decisions.

This doesn’t mean that I am never supposed to speak when I am with my husband. I am able to share my thoughts and opinions. But, it does mean that I should put his thoughts and opinions above my own. I don’t need to be the first person to speak when there is an issue, and I certainly don’t need to dominate the conversation. As the head of household, my husband’s decisions come first. In order to follow this submissive technique, I need to remain quiet and listen to what he says, rather than just hear him and be thinking about what I’m going to say next. This isn’t just something a good submissive wife does. It is something that a good communicator does.

A submissive wife willingly takes reproof from her husband. This is where CDD comes in. As a submissive wife, I am subject to reprimands, lectures, and discipline as my husband sees fit. Because he loves me, he carries out this reproof judiciously. He does not punish me just to complete the act. He doesn’t like to punish me, but he does it because it is his reminder to me that I am to be his submissive wife.

I’m sure there’s a lot more to describe submission than just these few things that I’ve written here. What else does wifely submission look like to you?