Last Thursday was a breaking point for my husband and me. You could say that we had the fight to end all fights. It started out as a discussion about me being honest about my bad behavior, and even though we had turned a corner about that, I started another fight. There’s a history behind this fight, so I’ll try to summarize it quickly.
My family has not accepted my husband. I lived over 1,000 miles away from them when I met him, and they didn’t get to know him. We also got engaged about three months after we started dating. They didn’t agree with that. You see, my husband comes from a very different background than me. I grew up in a tiny town as a privileged, sheltered young girl. I’ve had all the opportunities in the world for education and luxury. My husband grew up in a very rough neighborhood in a big city. He had to fight and struggle for everything he has. He also had a stroke four years ago that has prevented him from working. While that doesn’t matter to me, it matters to my family. They’ve judged him and criticized him, and other than my father, they haven’t welcomed him or his children into the family. They’ve shown favoritism to my daughter, and it’s caused a lot of problems in our marriage.
My husband is brave and stands up for himself and his children at all times. That’s why this situation with my family culminated in an argument with my mother (the main culprit) a couple of months ago. My husband told my mom what he thought of her actions and her behavior towards me, him, and the children. While I was shocked that the situation got to that level, I understood where my husband was coming from. I’ve tried to distance myself from my mother so that I can get away from her controlling nature, but it is difficult. My husband, understandably, has been angry about the situation, and I am trying to balance both families. My husband was right about his anger, and I will not take that away from him.
So, in very general terms, that is what we have been dealing with for awhile. Thursday night I lost my control and started screaming about the situation, blaming my husband for what I was going through and how I’d been hurt by being placed in this situation. I said some very hurtful things to my husband and even told him that he should leave. Luckily, he didn’t leave. We fought it out and were able to come to an agreement that my family is now fairly off limits in conversation with the hope that we can move forward and prepare the damage that was done on Thursday.
I went completely away from submission on Thursday night. I was cruel and inconsiderate, and I hurt my husband. My words here don’t describe it accurately enough. Even though we’ve made strides this weekend to get along better and enjoy our time together, it’s going to take a long time to repair what was done on Thursday. I am ashamed of my behavior, and I know that I must repent to both God and my husband. I only ask for the strength to do so enough and for the strength to be a better wife and mother.