Last night I received another punishment spanking. It was for my behavior late last week, really a carry-over from Monday night’s punishment. I was so tired on Tuesday that my husband let me go to bed without a spanking or other punishment after we finished some errands. However, that was the day I had to write my 200 lines.
But last night was the night. The 15 to 20 spanks hurt terribly; I cried out loudly. I guess that might be because I received a severe spanking on Monday night? I wasn’t feeling sore, but the wooden paddle did its job last night. As I lay on the pillows crying afterwards, I tried to compose myself because I thought there might be more punishment coming. However, after I calmed down, my husband let me sit by him and he comforted me. The tears kept flowing for a while, even during our prayer.
What stands out the most about last night’s punishment is the conversation that we had before and after the spanking. My husband told me that this is the last punishment spanking he expects to give me for some time. There will be maintenance, of course, but as for punishments, last night should be it for a while.
Are we backing away from discipline? No. His comments mean something different. He means that he expects me to behave and apply what I have learned about submission. He expects me to really work hard at our new lifestyle, and his expectations are high for me.
I think I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it. You see, it’s time for me to step up and move past just saying that I want to be submissive to my husband. I need to stop my angry words, my over-reactions, and my drama in order to save our marriage. If I falter, I know there will be discipline, but it’s up to me to fulfill his expectations.
I think maintenance will help with this as well. I know it is up to him when he administers maintenance, and we have not set a schedule like I’ll receive maintenance every few days. This is where my question comes in. Is it appropriate for me to ask for a maintenance session if I feel that I need an extra reminder of what can happen? Maybe it should be referred to as a “warning session” or something like that? In the end, it’s my husband’s decision because I am submissive to him, but I also think that maintenance/warnings can help keep me on track.