imagesToday is Saturday, and I’m pondering what to write. This week has been strange. I’ve been extra busy with work, two of our munchkins are back from time with their mom, and I’ve been extra tired. Tomorrow I leave for a work trip that isn’t exactly going to fun.

Thursday night, after reading my post, my husband told me that I did need maintenance, but he wasn’t going to do it that night because I needed to get to bed. We would do it on Friday. Well, on Friday I barely woke up for dinner, and he decided to let me sleep. I appreciate that because I clearly needed the sleep. I hope that the maintenance occurs tonight because I feel like I need it before I go on my work trip.

On Thursday we also talked about questions we have about maintenance and spanking discipline sessions. When my husband and I first got together, I enjoyed a playful spanking during sex. It was fun, and I was turned on by his forcefulness. I can understand why my husband might wonder if part of CDD is a sexual turn-on for me.

It’s not. Bending over the bed with my bottom bared, readying myself for discipline, I have no thoughts of sexual gratification. I know these types of spankings are going to hurt badly, and I’m embarrassed and ashamed because of what I’m about to experience. I also know that I deserve this discipline and am showing my husband that I submit to him by putting myself in this position. In my mind, I am counting the spanks and begging for him to stop soon. In contrast, if he spanks me during sex, I feel closer to him and love his manliness. I’m not being disciplined at that moment; he is showing me how close we can be and is bringing me sexual pleasure.

I’ve been searching for more blogs about CDD and submission, but a lot of them that I’ve read have focused on BDSM-type relationships. Let me be clear. That is not the type of relationship we want or have. I wish I could find more people who are experiencing what I am: becoming a submissive wife who requires discipline when needed. I like the blog, and I think the Christian Domestic Discipline website gives a good explanation of the basics of a CDD lifestyle. Are there other sites/blogs that I should check out?