A Submissive Wife's Journey

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

A Quick Post — August 31, 2015
Wake-Up Call — August 4, 2015

Wake-Up Call

My bottom smarts today. Really bad, and I know it’s going to continue to hurt for many days.

You see, I’ve been bad. Not just bad. Horrible. Terrible. Unbearable. Pretty much any adjective that goes along with “bitch,” “crazy lady,” or “out-of-control whench.” Nothing that goes with submissive wife.

You see, I picked some serious, serious fights with my husband about 10 days ago, and it got out of control. I was coming off my meds, but I was also just plain angry. I was pissed and I said and did some things that I deeply regret. The worst part is that the kids heard. I will be trying to make those vivid memories go away for a long time. They may never go away, actually.

To say that I feel guilty is not enough. I’ve asked for forgiveness and am going to continue to do so. My marriage is on the line if I don’t make changes quickly. And I’ve made that promise to do so. It can’t just be a promise. It has to be action.

To help me with this, I’ve asked my husband to break me into submission. I’ve given him full permission to discipline me in any way he sees fit, and we’ve talked about using a code word to use in front of others so that I know when I’m walking on thin ice.

To begin, I was laying in bed half asleep last night when he came in and told me to get ready. He was so stern and serious, I knew this was the beginning of it all. He gave me a few minutes to wake up and then brought out the wooden paddle. I’m not sure how many spanks he gave me. I was crying and in pain after only six, and then I lost track. I had to bite down on the pillow to keep from crying out, and I kept pushing myself up to try to stop. But he kept telling me to lay back down. I also kept putting my hand back to protect my bottom. He didn’t let up.

Then he put me in the bathroom and forced me to drink a full teaspoon of jalapeƱo fire sauce. He forbade me to drink anything. He left me in the bathroom, but before long I vomited several times. My mouth felt like it was on fire even after I got sick, but I didn’t drink any water.

Once he let me out of the bathroom, I had to sit on the bed and listen to a lecture. He explained how much I had hurt him and how badly we need to fix our marriage. And it comes down to me making choices to fix things, keep my mouth shut, and learn to submit wholly to him and God. There is no fooling around anymore. It is now my mission to become a submissive wife for my husband, my family, and for the Lord.

As my husband hugged and kissed me good night, he asked me if I was serious and committed to this. I know it’s going to be difficult, and I’m going to face painful discipline as we move forward, but I’ve never been more serious about a promise other than the day we took our wedding vows.

Proverbs 6:23 – “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.”

Waiting in the Rain — August 3, 2015

Waiting in the Rain

I’m stuck in the car waiting to pick up my husband at the airport. It’s almost midnight, and I am so ready to see him! He left early this morning, so it hasn’t been 24 hours, but we’ve had such a rough couple of weeks that I don’t like being away from him for even this long.

On Friday I bought a book about being your husband’s help meet. This term comes from Genesis 2:18 – “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.'” I had heard of the term before but had written it off as part of my past life as a non-submissive woman. (Not that I’ve succeeded as a submissive wife, but I’m in a much different place now.) I skimmed through the table of contents and think it’ll be an interesting read. Maybe it will help me open up my soul even more toward wifely submission.

As I’ve mentioned, we’ve had some rough weeks and even contemplated walking away from the CDD lifestyle. We’re not going to do that, but I have to work very hard to show that I’m committed and submissive. My actions have to speak louder than my words. I’m ready to do so, and I’m craving discipline. I really am. I need it to set me straight and refocus. But it’s his decision.