My bottom smarts today. Really bad, and I know it’s going to continue to hurt for many days.

You see, I’ve been bad. Not just bad. Horrible. Terrible. Unbearable. Pretty much any adjective that goes along with “bitch,” “crazy lady,” or “out-of-control whench.” Nothing that goes with submissive wife.

You see, I picked some serious, serious fights with my husband about 10 days ago, and it got out of control. I was coming off my meds, but I was also just plain angry. I was pissed, and I said and did some things that I deeply regret. The worst part is that the kids heard. I will be trying to make those vivid memories go away for a long time. They may never go away, actually.

To say that I feel guilty is not enough. I’ve asked for forgiveness and am going to continue to do so. My marriage is on the line if I don’t make changes quickly. And I’ve made that promise to do so. It can’t just be a promise. It has to be action.

To help me with this, I’ve asked my husband to break me into submission. I’ve given him full permission to discipline me in any way he sees fit, and we’ve talked about using a code word to use in front of others so that I know when I’m walking on thin ice.

To begin, I was laying in bed half asleep last night when he came in and told me to get ready. He was so stern and serious, I knew this was the beginning of it all. He gave me a few minutes to wake up and then brought out the wooden paddle. I’m not sure how many spanks he gave me. I was crying and in pain after only six, and then I lost track. I had to bite down on the pillow to keep from crying out, and I kept pushing myself up to try to stop. But he kept telling me to lay back down. I also kept putting my hand back to protect my bottom. He didn’t let up.

Then he put me in the bathroom and forced me to drink a full teaspoon of jalapeño fire sauce. He forbade me to drink anything. He left me in the bathroom, but before long I vomited several times. My mouth felt like it was on fire even after I got sick, but I didn’t drink any water.

Once he let me out of the bathroom, I had to sit on the bed and listen to a lecture. He explained how much I had hurt him and how badly we need to fix our marriage. And it comes down to me making choices to fix things, keep my mouth shut, and learn to submit wholly to him and God. There is no fooling around anymore. It is now my mission to become a submissive wife for my husband, my family, and for the Lord.

As my husband hugged and kissed me good night, he asked me if I was serious and committed to this. I know it’s going to be difficult, and I’m going to face painful discipline as we move forward, but I’ve never been more serious about a promise other than the day we took our wedding vows.

Proverbs 6:23 – “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.”