Well, I’ve received discipline for the past 5 nights. I can’t say it’s been easy, but I’m not in too much pain nowadays just uncomfortable. My husband has been using a small paddle covered in leather. We ran into a problem the first night because we were concerned that our older kids heard the smacks in our room, so we moved to the basement. Laying over the side of a chair is a different experience than on the side of the bed. My behind is higher in the air now, and I am even more exposed. Also, the lectures and sessions feel different in the basement, not as severe or stern as they do in the bedroom. We’ve ordered a flogger that should be quieter, allowing us to move back upstairs.
That being said, I believe it is starting to save our marriage. While we’re not through with our first week yet, I feel like I’m being more respectful. I’m not mouthing off in the morning like I was doing on a daily basis. I feel closer to him right now.
We had a discussion last night that was telling. It was after 10 p.m., and he hadn’t told me that I needed to go down to the basement. I asked him, and he shared that he was conflicted. He didn’t feel like I’d done anything to deserve a major discipline session, but her also felt like I needed maintenance. He told me that although it was his ultimate decision, he wanted feedback from me about how I felt. I told him the same: that I didn’t feel my behavior had been bad, but I would feel like he’s truly committed to CDD if he carried out a maintenance session because we’ve struggled with consistency in the past. He agreed and directed me to go downstairs.
Before he started, he told me that he was committed, like he’s said in the past, and that he’s serious about this. He recognizes that he will have to answer to God because he is the head of the house. I have to answer to him and God. Hearing him say that really helped me see why we are starting this journey again. It is about fixing my poor behavior but also about our relationship with God. By doing this, we are showing our understanding of our roles as husband and wife and showing that we want God to lead us down a better path than what we have been doing, “we” meaning me in terms of how I respect my husband and my family.