A Submissive Wife's Journey

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

Permission — April 27, 2017
Untitled — April 14, 2017

Untitled

I messed up. Why do I take my frustration out on the man I love more than anything in my life? I am unsubmissive and selfish and prideful. No pity, please. I don’t deserve it.

He is right, and I am wrong. I deserve more punishment than ever. I put him through too much pain, more than any spanking could ever do to me.

What happens next? How do I be a better wife? When will I learn?

A Bare Bottom Ritual — April 11, 2017

A Bare Bottom Ritual

Why is nudity important in CDD? This blog by Christian Domestic Discipline outlines many reasons why a woman’s nudity makes a difference during discipline sessions.

In our process, I am fully clothed during my husband’s lecture. Sometimes he holds the implement–most often the riding crop–while he gives his lecture. Watching him flick the crop against his leg emphasizes to me the seriousness of the lecture.

After the lecture, I must stand and ready myself for the spanking. I bend over our bed against stacked pillows so that I am in a good position for him to administer the spanks. But before I bend, I must remove my pants and underwear or lift up my nightgown. The very act of showing my bare bottom is humbling. I feel vulnerable and overcome with a sense of simultaneous submission and dread. I feel small and hyper aware of my semi-nude state. As I bend over the bed and bury my head in the pillows, the coolness of the air emphasizes the events that are about to occur.

After the discipline, he puts away the crop while I remain in the same position. I don’t redress until he allows me to do so. As I’ve been receiving nightly spankings, he will rub lotion on my bottom and on the tops of my thighs. That is a raw sensation, but it is not sexual. As his motions heighten my awareness of his strength and masculinity, they also remind me that I must be submissive because as in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “the head of the woman is man.” His firm but kind hands rubbing lotion into my bare skin is an act of comfort as much as it is a reminder of the punishment I just received.

When I am allowed to cover myself, he comforts me again with the comfort of his embrace and kisses. These are gentle, loving kisses that reinforce his love. We end with a prayer to God as my husband asks our Father to bring peace to our lives, to release me of my pride and bad behavior, and to guide us in our marriage.

As I think through our process, or you might say, rituals, I think carefully about the physicality of it. I am half nude in front of my husband, but it is not a sexual nudity. Baring my bottom in preparation for discipline does not lead to sex in our CDD practices. Rather, my nude bottom represents vulnerability; it is a humbling act that brings me to a more submissive state while emphasizing that my husband is the head of me and of our household.

Come-to-Jesus Time —

Come-to-Jesus Time

The world is spinning slowly sky now. I’m so tired, but I feel compelled to share what’s been happening this week.

My husband and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting last Sunday. I’d been acting horrible, and he’d had enough. I’ll be receiving discipline for the next five weeks because of my behavior. What behavior, you might ask? Let me list a few examples:

  1. I refused to listen when he said I needed to calm down.
  2. I fought him about insignificant events to protect my pride.
  3. I allowed my insistence on being right to distract me from a day with him and the kids.
  4. I was a snotty brat for no reason at all.
  5. I mouthed off to him repeatedly.

So, my bottom felt the sting of the crop for five nights this week. I had been trying hard to calm myself and think before I spoke, but my pride still got in the way. 

He even tried to make the arrangements so our discipline sessions easier on me. When I was exhausted, he allowed me to take a nap after work. He put the kids to bed early. But he didn’t give me a pass on the night’s spanking.
Despite the sting of the leather and the faded welts on my rear end, I admire him for staying consistent. We’ve struggled with that in the past, but we’ve both agreed that CDD is a priority. But, as he emphasized, if I don’t make an improvement before the end of these five weeks, then he’ll be done with it. This is on my shoulders. He’ll make the accommodations that I need to help me with the routine of our days, but he’s not letting this sit. Rather, it will be difficult for me to sit until mid-May.

I’ve gotten a reprieve for the last two days because we’re out of town with the kids, and there will be a break from spankings when family visits later in the month. But just because I’m not receiving spanks doesn’t mean the discipline won’t happen. After a few argumentative hours last night, he told me that I’ll feel the consequences of that behavior on Sunday night. Discipline goes on, whether its a new form or that I’ll receive more discipline when life returns to tomorrow. That’s stuck with me since he told God during our prayer that he’d find another form to punish me if I behave badly when I cannot be spanked at the time. He’s serious, and I need to show him that I’m changing.

Until then, know that I am a work-in-progress with a lot of ground to make up.