The world is spinning slowly now. I’m so tired, but I feel compelled to share what’s been happening this week.
My husband and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting last Sunday. I’d been acting horrible, and he’d had enough. I’ll be receiving discipline for the next five weeks because of my behavior. What behavior, you might ask? Let me list a few examples:
- I refused to listen when he said I needed to calm down.
- I fought him about insignificant events to protect my pride.
- I allowed my insistence on being right to distract me from a day with him and the kids.
- I was a snotty brat for no reason at all.
- I mouthed off to him repeatedly.
So, my bottom felt the sting of the crop for five nights this week. I had been trying hard to calm myself and think before I spoke, but my pride still got in the way.
He even tried to make the arrangements so our discipline sessions easier on me. When I was exhausted, he allowed me to take a nap after work. He put the kids to bed early. But he didn’t give me a pass on the night’s spanking.
Despite the sting of the leather and the faded welts on my rear end, I admire him for staying consistent. We’ve struggled with that in the past, but we’ve both agreed that CDD is a priority. But, as he emphasized, if I don’t make an improvement before the end of these five weeks, then he’ll be done with it. This is on my shoulders. He’ll make the accommodations that I need to help me with the routine of our days, but he’s not letting this sit. Rather, it will be difficult for me to sit until mid-May.
I’ve gotten a reprieve for the last two days because we’re out of town with the kids, and there will be a break from spankings when family visits later in the month. But just because I’m not receiving spanks doesn’t mean the discipline won’t happen. After a few argumentative hours last night, he told me that I’ll feel the consequences of that behavior on Sunday night. Discipline goes on, whether its a new form or that I’ll receive more discipline when life returns to tomorrow. That’s stuck with me since he told God during our prayer that he’d find another form to punish me if I behave badly when I cannot be spanked at the time. He’s serious, and I need to show him that I’m changing.
Until then, know that I am a work-in-progress with a lot of ground to make up.